Feeling twisted...

Yes the title is best describing my mood right now...

Por onde andei...

Andei por vários caminhos ao decorrer da minha vida, e todos me mudaram, me moldaram. Sou quem sou pelo que passei todos esses anos. E apesar de me arrepender de muito, me orgulho de muito mais. Aqui estou, feliz e satisfeito. Não preciso de ninguém e de nada além da própria cabeça e o chão  em que piso.
Más querer e precisar são duas coisas diferentes...Acho que quero mais do que tenho e só posso rezar e esperar. Esperar que consiga tudo em que sonho possuir.
     Espero que pela primeira vez na minha vida, felicidade não tenha limites...
O que é ser feliz?É não ser demasiado exigente...

"Quando te dás conta de que nada te falta, o mundo inteiro pertence-te"
(Lao Tzu)

What I was waiting for

    Arriving here and restarting , once again, scared me. Ive always been used to picking up and going somewhere new. I had to be, after all  I had no choice. And after all did I not have the right?High school is scary and intimidating. Walking those deep hallways all i could hope for was invisibility. I wanted to disappear, to go unnoticed. Yet that didn't happen and it occurred  to me that maybe I was even being stalked. Being the new one, you feel preyed upon.  But how could I protest?What could i possibly do. Nothing.
   Leaving everyone that ever meant  something to me proved to be the hardest thing Ive ever been put through.Leaving my culture, my language, my friends, my family. How could that void ever be filled? In a foreign place, with strangers surrounding me, and cold segregation.Yet somehow I gained someone. I gained a piece  to fill my void.I feel like i have new family, I can only hope it continues to grow

   

Fonte da Juventude

 E se pudéssemos ser jovens para sempre, encapsulados e protegidos contra as tendências naturais que sempre acabaram nos afetando. E se fossemos eternos, sempre aprendendo, crescendo, renovando nossa sociedade e seus habitantes. E se quissesemos ser perfeitos, e seguir a vida de um modo tranquilo e sereno, sem confrontos ou barbaridades. Será  um sonho possível?  Será que , um dia, possamos viver como uma comunidade unida, ou estamos predestinados  a uma vida de segregação?

Fearful Future and Alarming Independence

The last year. A year all students wait eagerly for. The year of freedom, independence. Despite cheerful of the opportunities that lay ahead, he's afraid. What lies upon that golden coated horizon?What emotions will shower upon him in the coming months.

Worth the weakness...

What makes your heat beat faster? Who  makes your world stop, your mind explode into a supernova of warm thoughts? Reminiscing his family and sepia printed daydream thoughts, he can only sigh and  ponder upon what the future may bring. Hopefully,  many laughs and heart felt memories. And although  now he sees  tears slipping off his chin into the steam brewing beverage he holds cautiously, the boy cannot help but to smile. " I  have things in my life that are so important to me, they give me moist eyes.That is motive for happiness" .

Há pessoas que nos falam e nem as escutamos, há pessoas que nos ferem e nem cicatrizes deixam mas há pessoas que simplesmente aparecem em nossas vidas e nos marcam para sempre.-Cecília Meireles.

  

  Faz tempo que sigo um caminho distorcido em minha vida. Faz tempo que me sinto deslocado. Só quero ser feliz, e ter sempre esperança suficiente em meu coração para continuar vivendo,aturando os problemas que se amontoam. Não estou em casa, nao é meu lar. Más como Cecília indicou, tem aquelas pessoas especiais na vida, que nos fazem sentir coisas incriveís.

 Por  mais que eu sinta essa saudade dentro do peito, tenho de ter paciência.Todos mereçemos felicidade, minha vez ainda está por chegar.

Balada Do Mangue-Vinicius de Moraes

"Pobres flores gonocócicas
Que à noite despetalais
As vossas pétalas tóxicas!
Pobre de vós, pensas, murchas
Orquídeas do despudor
Não sois Lœlia tenebrosa
Nem sois Vanda tricolor:
Sois frágeis, desmilingüidas
Dálias cortadas ao pé
Corolas descoloridas
Enclausuradas sem fé,
Ah, jovens putas das tardes
O que vos aconteceu
Para assim envenenardes
O pólen que Deus vos deu?
No entanto crispais sorrisos
Em vossas jaulas acesas
Mostrando o rubro das presas
Falando coisas do amor
E às vezes cantais uivando
Como cadelas à lua
Que em vossa rua sem nome
Rola perdida no céu...
Mas que brilho mau de estrela
Em vossos olhos lilases
Percebo quando, falazes,
Fazeis rapazes entrar!
Sinto então nos vossos sexos
Formarem-se imediatos
Os venenos putrefatos
Com que os envenenar
Ó misericordiosas!
Glabras, glúteas caftinas
Embebidas em jasmim
Jogando cantos felizes
Em perspectivas sem fim
Cantais, maternais hienas
Canções de caftinizar
Gordas polacas serenas
Sempre prestes a chorar.
Como sofreis, que silêncio
Não deve gritar em vós
Esse imenso, atroz silêncio
Dos santos e dos heróis!
E o contraponto de vozes
Com que ampliais o mistério
Como é semelhante às luzes
Votivas de um cemitério
Esculpido de memórias!
Pobres, trágicas mulheres
Multidimensionais
Ponto morto de choferes
Passadiço de navais!
Louras mulatas francesas
Vestidas de carnaval:
Viveis a festa das flores
Pelo convés dessas ruasAncoradas no canal?
Para onde irão vossos cantos
Para onde irá vossa nau?
Por que vos deixais imóveis
Alérgicas sensitivas
Nos jardins desse hospital
Etílico e heliotrópico?
Por que não vos trucidais
Ó inimigas? ou bem
Não ateais fogo às vestes
E vos lançais como tochas
Contra esses homens de nada
Nessa terra de ninguém!"

How long...

He just wanders around, unnafected by winter winds, while dreaming far away, thousands of miles across that frozen ocean  bay. Where did all the good people go? I listen to the consoling ocean breeze, as the sun clasps me with a tender embrace. When will it all be reality again?When will I  be able to stop dreaming, and open my eyes to the genuine thing. For how much longer will I have to cry on your shoulder?

Vinicius...

Eu deveria estar dormindo, estou plenamente ciente disso, más embora amanhã eu vá estar totalmente exausto, tenho que postar isso...

Ditados: Vinicius de Moraes...

• Se o amor é fantasia, eu me encontro ultimamente em pleno carnaval

• De manhã escureço, De dia tardo, De tarde anoiteço, De noite ardo

• A vida é a arte do encontro, embora haja tantos desencontros pela vida

• Ser feliz é viver morto de paixão

• A vida só se dá para quem se deu

• O uísque é o melhor amigo do homem, ele é o cachorro engarrafado

On Pensive nights...

Uneasy

He stares at the screen with still eyes. He wishes his fingers would dance over the keyboard, expressing everything he felt.But they remain paused, as if paralyzed by  the fear that thee words written arent good enough. Are they good enough?Do any of his thoughts make sense?Will they find him any different from the other thousands of applicants?

Tunes, Thoughts & Tensions

Reflexion is the key to explore ones own identity. Or is it the gateway to insanity? Can too many thoughts drive us to self destruction? Maybe the mind should have an "off" button. Available whenever we stray from reality and enter the dangerous realm of imagination.
    Leaping over countless puddles on his way back, these thoughts struck him continuously. No music was available, no tunes to soothe his soul and mind. He looked at the sky with cogitative eyes. Curiosity struck," is there something else?". "Was If  this is it". Was life really surrounding him?
   Laughs  from nearby teenagers broke his train of thought, shooting his attention back to the glistening wet  sidewalks before him. Get home, get home now he thought.

Therapy

His eyes are consoled and untroubled. Slowly, they scan the surroundings. An infinite number of conversations take place around him. The station is a flurry of activity , so busy that he can see agitation dancing above the crowd and scowering up to the sky colored ceiling.
   Slowly his fingers slither into the lint filled pockets of the old navy blue jeans.A moment later, his hands reveal a cracked mp3 player. Its deep chips and scratches suggest extended use.
His fingers pounce a couple of times over the buttons, changing the current song to a more subtle tune.
Observing crowds always called for morecalmer vibrations.

This was therapy. This was his reality. Watching, analyzing. Spending countless afternoons in busy Grand Central Station. He couldn't be any more entertained than this. Groups passed by often speaking in unknown tongue, but every once in a while he would hear the familiar tone of fellow countrymen.
 Although all from a different place, they all share traits he thought. Arguments and fear,curiosity and enjoyment. Smiles, curling their lips. No matter where from, they are all equal.
"We are all so equal" he thought,"all  so equal, yet so different, so unique".

This thought was followed by a familiar vibration in his left pocket.

The call. Therapy session was over. "Back to reality" he thought, as he picked up his checkered bag and disappeared into the streaming crowd.

He was one of them now. The unique ,yet similar crowd...

What if...

What if life handed us all our wishes? What if we didn't have to try to succeed? "Worry" would be a non-existent noun. But how could society work at this pace? Without challenges we would be lazy, there would be no need for growth. Humans would not evolve, they would see no reason in striving to achieve things. Perhaps challenges are our greatest companions. We can grow as a society, and perfect ourselves through the challenges presented to us.

What if the world was imperfect and demanding?  Does this allow us to grow?